Random.....

Today marks one week since I sadly celebrated the 6th anniversary of Ajel's birthday. As I do every year, I bought him a cupcake and a toy along with the balloon I launch at the end of my private ceremony. For whatever reason, this year seemed especially difficult. I had believed as time moved forward, it would be easier to cope with the loss. I realized finally WHY this year seemed just as painful as the first.... I was alone in my misery. I didn't have anyone to console me throughout the day when the crying became uncontrollable. There was no one to talk to, no one to hug, and no one to hold me as I cried myself to sleep missing my baby.
And to this end, I learned the IcePrincess is not as cold as she wishes she were. It's safer, but lonely.
I have accepted his place was not to be here with us, and though I do not understand all the mysteries.... I must believe there IS a reason. I have my 3 A's..... beautifully annoying as they can be, I am in love with them more every single day!

I ended my week-long insomnia lastnight (assisted by my Dr) and woke-up today with a whole new perspective on life, happiness, letting go, mistakes, failures, etc.
I am not going to allow any of the ghosts from my past impact the future. I remember who I am and what I am. If someone doesn't like it? Not really my problem!